EWP Retreat 2025 Transforming Negative Emotions Into Emotional Freedom

This year we held our annual retreat in a beautiful old home (built 1917), overlooking the ocean just north of Wollongong. You could feel the house held many wonderful memories the moment you stepped over the threshold, into the tastefully furnished and decorated hallways and rooms. One of its architectural features was that it had no right angles and for some reason, this made it appealing to some and infuriating to others. Whereas the luscious outdoor garden and semi-wrap-around-the-house verandah (which I think felt like a warm salty hug), was appreciated by all, every time you ventured out to admire the stunning oceanic view.

Behold! after many years of over-catering (for the nation), we ladies now have it down to a fine art form providing sufficient delicious food and drinks; just for us. Which means, we now have more time to gorge ourselves on one another's stories since last we met. As well as getting to know the newcomers to our retreat.

Later, a few of us enjoyed/endured, a little light but loud, musical entertainment performed by Ricci and Debi on Ukelele and whatever other banging, clanging 'instruments' at their disposal, before it was hoarsely decided, bedtime would be a welcome reprieve for all.

The next morning, rested, fed and eager, we all welcomed the glorious new day, and Tisiola's workshop on how we can Transform Negative Emotions into Emotional Freedom. As she said at the beginning, 'The clear pathway to emotional freedom lies in our willingness to acknowledge, understand, and accept our emotions as part of being human'.

Believe me, there are a whole lot of emotions we humans are capable of experiencing. In fact, according to the Berkeley, Institute of Well-Being, there are at least two hundred and seventy-one listed by them. And with a quick calculation, I counted seventy-five to be positives; one hundred and eighty negatives; and sixteen to be somewhere in-between. Very interesting! Which means you have more than double the choice of negative emotions to choose from, over positive or somewhere in-between.

Given that our emotions, behaviours and thoughts are all linked, the first thing we did was to individually identify both the negative and positive emotions that we wanted to address. By doing so, we could concentrate on amplifying our positive emotions, and with learned techniques, control and navigate our negative emotions, in order to disable them from controlling the course of our day and lives.

Daniel Goleman (American Psychologist and author), who has studied and written extensively on Emotional Intelligence, argues that we have too limited a view on human intelligence, and that it plays a far greater role in thought, decision-making and individual success, than is commonly acknowledged. To the degree that he believes it can have a far greater impact on our lives than IQ. This is because Emotional Intelligence includes qualities like self-awareness, impulse control, persistence, zeal. motivation, empathy, and social deftness which are all qualities that mark people who excel.

We looked at the Process of Emotional Liberation in the following 5 stages:

• Self-Awareness

• Understanding the Root and Cause

• Addressing and Attending

• Self-Compassion and Kindness

• Re-framing

After identifying the negative emotion(s) and causes, we were then able to address why we were remaining emotionally attached to them. Was it fear of change; the fear of uncertainty; the need to avoid pain; lack of understanding of how courageous and brave we can be, if we choose to be. These are all valid if not helpful reasons for clinging to emotions that do not serve us well. In fact, with a lack of self-awareness, we are usually blind to the true cost of holding on to negative emotions, which could instead be occupied by positive, loving, compassionate, kind and inspirational emotions.

In order to address and attend to moving beyond our past (whatever it has been), our first task is Acceptance. It has been, and cannot be 'un-been', so to speak. But we can learn to view our past struggles as lessons that can shape our resilience and empathy.

And some of the many ways in which we can use our past experiences to transform negative emotions into positive drivers in our lives are things like, journaling, therapy, forgiveness, mindfulness practices, music, dancing, exercise, prayer, meditation, and even fresh air and walking in nature can all be powerful life-changing forces. Also by positively changing the direction and path of our lives, it is possible to also enable others to change.

Viktor E. Frankl (Holoccaust survivor and author), said, "Life is not primarily a quest for pleasure as Freud believed or a quest for power or success as Alfred Adler taught, but a quest for meaning. The greatest task for any person is to find meaning in his or her life." Unfortunately, I believe many people get side-tracked into Freudian and Adler beliefs; until, if ever - too late. Or, if not addressed, through effort, learning and support from others, many remain stuck in a fixed mindset that does not allow for any growth; and this is sad when we are all capable of living fulfilling and meaningful lives. If, and when we are prepared to make conscious decisions, to do so.

You need only listen or read the stories of thousands of individuals, known and unknown, who have changed negative experiences into amazing, fulfilling, inspirational and beautiful lives, through transforming their pain into purpose. Nelson Mandela; Oprah Winfrey; Vicktor Frankl; these are well known stories, but there are thousands and thousands of others.

I know I have quoted the following words by Marianne Williamson before, but it is so worthy of mention again:

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves. 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be?"

This workshop was a very successful one, with many ladies reaching into their hearts and addressing some long-overlooked and painful emotions that needed to be bade goodbye. And for all of us, it was very helpful in highlighting the importance of knowing ourselves better through introspection and also learning how we can best control negative emotions, when they inevitably come a calling.

So, in closing, I would like to thank Tisiola Lear and Barb Lear, for another wonderful

and very successful retreat, and just remind everyone, that although negative emotions are always going to visit us from time to time - let's not allow them to dictate how long their stay will be. That choice is always ours. And by restricting their unwelcome occupancy we are able to provide longer and more rewarding accommodation for our positive emotions to inhabit our lives. And after all, they are pay-it-forward guests - not negative off-loaders!

So let's be kind to ourselves, by remembering how special, and deserving we all are.

Toodle-pip for now,

Bella.h

February 2025