EWP FOCUS GROUP The Power of Making Conscious Choices

Our Focus Group held in February discussed the Power of Making Conscious Choices. This was an important topic to discuss because, our choices, not only affect all of us, research tells us that we make in the vicinity of 35,000 choices a day - and 87% of those are changed throughout the day. However, that's a lot of choosing, so it stands to reason that a great number of those decisions are made unconsciously.

Therefore, whether conscious or unconscious, our choices in life dictate where the threads lead, how they are woven, the design, and the beauty or otherwise of the tapestry that is our life's unique masterpiece.

Without doubt, therefore, this subject is a very important one for those of us wanting to reap the best and most out of life. In order to set the intention for our learnings, we began by individually voicing what we hoped to learn from the evening's conversation:-

Some of these suggestions were to understand:

• How much of our lives are spent on auto-pilot

• How to live more mindfully

• How to simplify our harried lives

• How fortunate and free we are to make our own choices

• How to make the best choices for ourselves.

At the outset, Tisiola gave us a few startling facts from a recent survey of 2,000 people, which found we spend about three hours a day making decisions on Food/Meals; Clothing; Television. Three hours, just deliberating on those three things, and then 31% of people make bad food choices, and 66% of those people are indecisive about exercise.

These are interesting facts about how we spend our time making conscious decisions, given that people are always bemoaning having 'not enough time' in the day. Looks like Seneca had it right over two thousand years ago: 'It is not that we have a short time to live, but that we waste a lot of it'.

One of our members made the valid point that 'There is a seduction in our culture about living mindlessly, rather than living mindfully and intentionally'. How true! Just watch the mindless scrolling on phones day and night, young and old, black and white, rich and poor, it is insidious! At dinner tables, dining out, buses, trains, boats, planes, footpaths, homes, workplaces, etc, etc.

It's no wonder we spend more time deliberating over small choices than large; we can only think microscopically now, and we don't have enough time to tackle large choices even if we could!

When we do make choices, some of the things that impact those choices are :

• The weather (yes, 32% of people suffer significant mood swings)

• Mental Health

• Mental Fatigue

• Fear of Judgement or Consequences

• Ego, Pride

• Core Values

Obviously then, making positive decisions for our good health, like food, exercise, sleep and social connections is very important if we hope to support our well-being. Which, in turn, will assist us to make even more good choices.

In order for us to make good decisions, it is also important for us to know the 'Why' we choose the option we do, because this can help us make better choices for ourselves. And sometimes, we need the help of others to discuss things with. Someone who can give us constructive and honest feedback. We also sometimes need someone who is going to hold us accountable for our decisions. It may be someone who has already had a similar lived experience; a trusted friend; a mentor; a wise person; or a professional person; or it may just be someone who we know is not going to stand in judgment of us.

One of our members shared a conscious choice she made to benefit her health, by introducing a routine into her life that eliminates unwanted choices like what food she eats at night, and which TV shows she watches. She cut both of them out. This was a good example of making conscious choices that could benefit one's life. Through this routine, not only does one feel healthier but also more peaceful.

There are of course some things in life, that we have no control over. However, we can still choose to accept those things and move on. Choosing acceptance, is then a conscious positive choice. Then there are times when people want to change the identity they have spent their lifetime creating. How do they negotiate that change with the community they have also built around themselves? This one is difficult, but, let's always remember that it is our hard and difficult times that provide us with our greatest growth spurts. I think therefore, the answer lies deeply embedded in the heart of the person seeking that change, and with both great personal courage and honesty, the right choice will be made.

If not, there will always be another choice that can be made, and at the risk of sounding unintentionally flippant, "Success is the ability to go from one failure to another, with no loss of enthusiasm", according to Winston Churchill.

For what it's worth, I once had to make an important decision, which put me at risk of being ostracized, persecuted and even disowned. I decided that I would rather be loathed for who I am, than loved for who I am not, and to this day, that core value has served me well.

Choices. Choices. Choices! How wonderful it is, that not only do we have the freedom to make so many choices for ourselves, but also as humans, we have the privilege and mental capacity to do so. So, let's decide to use it well!

Pacific Islanders, especially the Tongans, have a beautiful concept 'Talanoa' which means "Talking critically yet harmoniously." It means "To talk; To converse, and share stories". It is a process of inclusive, participatory, and transparent dialogue where stories are shared, building empathy, through which wise decisions are made for the collective good.

Within that inclusive process, everyone (with all points-of-view) can respectfully discuss, communicate and listen to one another's stories in order to connect and also to reach communal agreement. Oh, for this methodology to be rolled out universally! No doubt we would be living on a far safer, fairer and peaceful planet if this was so.

Until such time, however, let's all appreciate our ability and freedom to make conscious choices that can benefit ALL - the well-being of ourselves; the welfare of others; and the health of our beautiful planet.

Thank you also to Tisiola, for providing this safe space (Talanoa), where we can individually and collectively grow through our meaningful, mindful and thought-provoking discussions and shared stories.

Toodle pip for now,

Bella. h

February 2025